My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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