thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize