Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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