maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
