I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
