hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize