Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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