So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
