She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
