I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
