Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
