i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
