You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
