my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
