About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
