Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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