she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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