MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
