just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
