trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize