Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
