to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize