franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The ass gains better be worth it
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