Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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