quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
