my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
