I puked a lego.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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