Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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