the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
