It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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