I'm lost and stupid without you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
