So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
