i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
