My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
