and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
