I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
