I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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