omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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