so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize