it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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