My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
