WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
