I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
