It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
