But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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