Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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