Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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