I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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