Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize