if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
