This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
