If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
