I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
