I heard we made out
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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