I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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