girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
