singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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