He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
