I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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