Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
