he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
