Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
operation have a gay friend backfired
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
