He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
