He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
