My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
