Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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