I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lost the right to judge tonight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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