I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
