DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
