Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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