U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
