direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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