My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ttyl tear gas
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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